


the fantastic three

by revoleotion



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Group chat, Hinted sexual content, M/M, Slight Angst in later chapters, aromantic barbatos, mc is mentioned but doesn't have a name or gender, the author is sorry about that, the fantastic three, therapy is expensive this group chat is free
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 9,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28128327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revoleotion/pseuds/revoleotion
Summary: I got bored and decided to write a ton of group chat interactions between Barbatos, Diavolo and Lucifer. That's it, that's the fic.
Relationships: Diavolo/Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 173





	1. cat 1 & 2

**Author's Note:**

> I sure hope this works. This is my first attempt at linking things in a text, so please be patient with me.

**Diavolo** : [picture sent]

**Lucifer** : Is that…

**Diavolo** : Yes. 

**Lucifer** : In your lap?

**Diavolo** : Are you jealous?

**Lucifer** : Don’t be ridiculous. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2F4a438fd7-60e1-4fbe-9830-66a71846ad31.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=zRD-lvbjZxGjdM&vet=12ahUKEwiYqfyx69LtAhVXP-wKHWjUCvMQMygBegUIARCdAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiYqfyx69LtAhVXP-wKHWjUCvMQMygBegUIARCdAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : He looks like a cat.  
I wouldn’t be surprised if he started purring. 

**Diavolo** : He actually did when I touched his hair just now. 

**Lucifer** : Huh. 

**Diavolo** : Anyway, please note that we’ll both be absent for the next meeting. 

**Lucifer** : Understandable, have a nice afternoon. 

**Barbatos** : I see you find my sleeping habits very amusing. 

**Lucifer** : Please have mercy. 

**Barbatos** : I’m going to consider it. 

* * *

**Barbatos** : I have done some thinking.   
What kind of a cat would I be?

**Diavolo** :  [ what-kind-of-cat-are-you ](https://uquiz.com/quiz/yT49TM/what-kind-of-cat-are-you)

**Barbatos** : It says I’m a Tabby. Sensitive and old-fashioned. 

**Diavolo** : There you have it.

**Lucifer** : It says I’m a Maine Coon. Friendly and loyal.   
That is ridiculous.  
I am not friendly.   
I am a sadist. 

**Diavolo** : But you are loyal. 

**Lucifer** : I give them that. 

**Diavolo** : I want to try!  
I’m a Sphynx.  
It says I’m witty and clever!

**Barbatos** : I agree, My Lord. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2Ffbdfa315-8b0c-4af2-95cf-14aa48963d75.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=7o5nqmYEO7vVmM&vet=12ahUKEwiYqfyx69LtAhVXP-wKHWjUCvMQMygNegUIARC2AQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiYqfyx69LtAhVXP-wKHWjUCvMQMygNegUIARC2AQ) ]

**Lucifer** : You are much more graceful than a Sphynx. I want another test. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you happen to do the test (if the link works, that is), please tell me your results!! I got the same as Barbatos.   
> And yes, I redid the text four times, one time for each character and then one time for myself. Yes, I am a full time student with three bachelor degrees. What are you gonna do, judge me??


	2. cursed powers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight spoilers for the calls you get from Barbatos at level 5 and 10

**Barbatos** : I have an announcement to make.   
My Lord, you were right all along.  
My powers are a threat to the universe and I don’t deserve to use them ever again.

**Lucifer** : What is this about? Are you okay?

**Diavolo** : He found out by accident that the human actually prefers coffee over tea but neglected to tell him because they wanted to be polite. 

**Lucifer** : Ah. 

**Barbatos** : I am a disgrace to all demonkind.  
I don’t deserve my powers.   
I took them to a tea convention, why didn’t they tell me?

 **Lucifer** : Maybe they were happy to spend time with you?  
Maybe it doesn’t matter what you did as long as the two of you were together.  
@Barbatos?  
Are you okay?

**Diavolo** : Good job, Lucifer, you made him cry. 

**Lucifer** : I wasn’t trying to!


	3. I got that reference

**Lucifer** : Levi was acting weird today.  
We were standing outside in the human world.  
He pointed at the sun and said, “hey it’s full moon today”.  
I told him, “that’s no moon”.  
He screamed and started flapping with his hands. 

**Barbatos** : This is a Star Wars reference. 

**Lucifer** : Thank you. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2F1b2b293b-e980-436d-a269-80fc85d277c5.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=1iilMEbG6uPePM&vet=12ahUKEwiYqfyx69LtAhVXP-wKHWjUCvMQMygEegUIARCkAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiYqfyx69LtAhVXP-wKHWjUCvMQMygEegUIARCkAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : Wait.   
How do you know that?

**Barbatos** : It is my duty to understand the matters of all three realms, including important cultural references. It’s the least I can do to help the Young Master with his plan to unite everyone. 

**Diavolo** : Also, he’s a Star Wars fan now.

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn131.picsart.com%2F328647023009211.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fpicsart.com%2Fi%2F328647023009211&tbnid=UMNkyrnaArKOYM&vet=12ahUKEwiYqfyx69LtAhVXP-wKHWjUCvMQMygWegUIARDJAQ..i&docid=_8Zb0-C0qhrvuM&w=2020&h=2009&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiYqfyx69LtAhVXP-wKHWjUCvMQMygWegUIARDJAQ) ]


	4. a romantic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write something about Asmodeus touching Barbatos at the party at the end of lesson 40 for AGES and this is how I decided to do this. (actually, I have a full text about Barbatos discussing being aromantic with Solomon and Diavolo but I'm not sure if anyone actually wants to read that. So... that's that.)

**Barbatos** : Lucifer, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to talk to you about something. 

**Lucifer** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://images.app.goo.gl/KCAwP2XeRdibbby78) ] 

**Barbatos** : I know Asmodeus displays a lot of affection publicly.   
I do not mind him touching me if this is his so-called “love language”.  
However, I cannot allow him to do this in public, especially when I am busy.  
Is there a way I can communicate this to him without offending him?

**Lucifer** : Give me a moment. 

**Barbatos** : Ah, I think this is a misunderstanding. Please do not punish him. 

**Lucifer** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F64.media.tumblr.com%2F674823da9480478b9763ac3d76ea066f%2F58e32ba80b3354da-46%2Fs250x400%2Ff75300e78daeadb9ed3010fe51bdb27c1370b1bc.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Ftagged%2Fobey%2Bme%2Bstickers&tbnid=CIt7ltO9UmDzwM&vet=12ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygOegUIARC3AQ..i&docid=sk9kgAxR3HgH5M&w=237&h=219&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygOegUIARC3AQ) ]

**Barbatos** : My aversion to romance is not an issue here. I’d be willing to bring this up with Asmodeus if I have to. 

**Lucifer** : I see.  
Perhaps you can tell him that you appreciate his affection but you don’t want to be distracted at work. Catering to his narcissism might be effective. 

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2Ffbdfa315-8b0c-4af2-95cf-14aa48963d75.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=7o5nqmYEO7vVmM&vet=12ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygYegUIARDLAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygYegUIARDLAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : You are very welcome. 

**Diavolo** : AROMANTIC RIGHTS!

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn141.picsart.com%2F328714983053211.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fpicsart.com%2Fi%2Fsticker-obeyme-328714983053211&tbnid=eJ9aQYYIwKBldM&vet=12ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygVegUIARDFAQ..i&docid=jkqdmKni7lVVZM&w=2048&h=2048&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygVegUIARDFAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : Still, please tell me if you want me to punish him. @Barbatos

**Barbatos** : Thank you for the offer but I will do it myself, should it ever be necessary.   
@Lucifer?

**Diavolo** : You broke him. 


	5. hello there 1 & 2

**Diavolo** : Hello there!

**Barbatos** : General Kenobi. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2F4dcebc76-487b-4087-b9d2-45a3f42f0baf.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=P1nLYLi29IS5CM&vet=12ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygPegUIARC5AQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygPegUIARC5AQ) ]

* * *

**Diavolo** : Hello there!

**Lucifer** : Good evening, Diavolo. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F64.media.tumblr.com%2Fa29f402be16f5be1508ac3132ce383ec%2F16bd85d11e593fdd-3e%2Fs400x600%2Fbb0b40e35e28b162385a4511cff1fa5df1430bc4.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumgir.com%2Ftag%2Fobey%2520me%2520stickers&tbnid=lMNcf1pKKpO5ZM&vet=12ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygbegUIARDRAQ..i&docid=u6vSouX-PoKzdM&w=335&h=360&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygbegUIARDRAQ) ]

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F64.media.tumblr.com%2Fa29f402be16f5be1508ac3132ce383ec%2F16bd85d11e593fdd-3e%2Fs400x600%2Fbb0b40e35e28b162385a4511cff1fa5df1430bc4.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumgir.com%2Ftag%2Fobey%2520me%2520stickers&tbnid=lMNcf1pKKpO5ZM&vet=12ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygbegUIARDRAQ..i&docid=u6vSouX-PoKzdM&w=335&h=360&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwibnueJ5tTtAhUHmhoKHSdDB4kQMygbegUIARDRAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : … General Kenobi?

**Diavolo** : YES!


	6. coming out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I guess this fic now has a PLOT???  
> warnings for this chapter: coming out, hints at sexual content

**Barbatos** : I came out to Asmodeus today.  
It was not as bad as I expected.  
He was a bit confused, though. 

**Lucifer** : Naturally. 

**Barbatos** : Not as confused as you were. 

**Lucifer** : There is no need to bring that up. 

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2Fa77b5992-ffc6-4ec7-bee1-7c95ee90edef.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=XwRUHE6SBjFCuM&vet=12ahUKEwiFhMjuku7tAhWP_IUKHYlDAucQMygCegUIARCaAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&hl=de&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiFhMjuku7tAhWP_IUKHYlDAucQMygCegUIARCaAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : Did Asmo say anything that made you uncomfortable?

**Barbatos** : No, it was just…   
He told me he had once felt the same until he met Solomon.   
He had felt no personal connection to the ones he was sexually attracted to  
Up until he met Solomon, that is. 

**Lucifer** : So, basically he told you that you haven’t found “the one” yet. 

**Barbatos** : If that’s how you want to describe it.   
I suppose he did. 

**Diavolo** : That’s not ideal. 

**Barbatos** : I told him that I had lived through countless realities and was very sure that I was not going to change.   
He seemed impressed by this and eventually accepted it.   
I can only imagine that he wanted to comfort me with his comment, so I took no offense in it. 

**Lucifer** : I see. 

**Diavolo** : So it all worked out? 

**Barbatos** : Yes, it did. Thank you for your support. 

**Diavolo** : Did you ask him about the other thing too? 

**Barbatos** : This is hardly appropriate for this chat. 

**Lucifer** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F64.media.tumblr.com%2F674823da9480478b9763ac3d76ea066f%2F58e32ba80b3354da-46%2Fs250x400%2Ff75300e78daeadb9ed3010fe51bdb27c1370b1bc.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Ftagged%2Fobey%2Bme%2Bstickers&tbnid=CIt7ltO9UmDzwM&vet=12ahUKEwiChKC08-7tAhUMYBoKHVC9DW4QMygSegUIARDhAQ..i&docid=sk9kgAxR3HgH5M&w=237&h=219&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=ms-android-google&ved=2ahUKEwiChKC08-7tAhUMYBoKHVC9DW4QMygSegUIARDhAQ) ] 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2F51%2F4a%2Ff0%2F514af07b421eef8bcacdacd5b16aacce.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.dk%2Fpin%2F463518986655594548%2F&tbnid=fVRj0p8kyWRJxM&vet=12ahUKEwiChKC08-7tAhUMYBoKHVC9DW4QMygfegUIARDvAQ..i&docid=v_S24ez5sKhURM&w=201&h=201&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=ms-android-google&ved=2ahUKEwiChKC08-7tAhUMYBoKHVC9DW4QMygfegUIARDvAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : … Maybe I don't WANT to know.

**Barbatos** : Well, in any case I was successful. 

**Diavolo** : It's nice to see that you were able to work out an arrangement. 

**Barbatos** : Lucifer has been typing for the last few minutes. 

**Diavolo** : He can be a little shy about that topic. We shouldn't scare him. 

**Barbatos** : Of course not. 

**Lucifer** : I hate you. Both. 

**Diavolo** : No, you don't. 

**Lucifer** : No, I don't. 


	7. all there is to it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a heavy text bit as a treat, mostly because I got a little bit too invested in Barbatos again and that's what happened. So, if you wondered how the conversation with Asmo really happened, there you have it!
> 
> warnings for this chapter: implied sexual content, aromantic crisis, misunderstandings (for about five sentences)

He wasn’t lying when he told his Lord that he never experienced being a child. 

Barbatos jokes about this a lot. It’s an inside joke with the universe, with time , forever alienating him from others.  Maybe there has been a time when he has been young, when he has been a child, but it’s far out of reach now . There’s no universe or timeline he can join where he’d experience being young again. 

This is the first thing he’s marked with, and it hurts a little bit less than the other thing. 

Because they’re all immortal in one way or another, there’s no way to really tell that he has started out this way. Sometimes  Barbatos looks at Luke, forever cursed to look like a child, and wonders if they’re  linked in a way destiny won’t reveal yet. Or maybe his relationship with Luke isn’t influenced or determined by his powers, perhaps that’s just  Barbatos , just him, wanting to protect someone he adores. 

Not loves. He doesn’t like that word. 

There’s no shame in being a timeless, immortal being, even though  Barbatos feels like the other’s acceptance is a fragile gift, not exactly a gift even, more of a  loan they are  going to take away if he reveals his true colors. And it’s quite alright with him, with great powers like his comes the inevitable stage of trying them out, messing up, failing, watching a reality shatter.  That’s the way you learn; by making mistake. 

The fact that  Barbatos exists on infinite timelines means that he has made every single mistake there is , some of which he remembers. Most of it is an instinct, a gut feeling,  wisdom with no direct source. 

This is the first timeline that made him think that maybe his inability to love isn’t a flaw. Obviously, he’d never say this to a human, he doesn’t think of it as a flaw in general. To him, it was always a reminder from the universe that he is so far from being human, that he’s never normal, by no realm’s standards. He has never been a child. He has never experienced romantic love. But this timeline, somehow, showed him that this isn’t as uncommon as he thought. 

He is met with acceptance, rather than disgust, even by the ones who couldn’t be more different than he is. Especially one of them. 

Asmodeus’ acceptance, even more so, his support, is more important to  Barbatos than he wants to admit. Maybe because Asmodeus understands that love doesn’t equal touch but touch also doesn’t equal love. Maybe he’s the only one to truly understand what  Barbatos is thinking when he looks at people and feels hungry but not the emotional kind. Maybe he is a true demon after all. 

If there’s one thing that truly makes him a demon, it may be this. Of course, he didn’t think that Asmodeus was the only demon to ever feel lust. He’s merely the embodiment of it, and if  Barbatos is honest, he should’ve talked to him about it a lot sooner. 

Maybe this is the timeline he finally realizes that trust can be the most powerful bond of them all. Solomon knows, Diavolo knows as well. But  Barbatos has always avoided telling Asmodeus, a demon who is related to him via two different, yet equally important relationships. First and foremost, Asmodeus is Lucifer’s brother. But he is also Solomon’s  pactmate – that's how they call it now,  Barbatos has accepted this. 

Most importantly, Asmodeus knows. He knows the feeling of lust better than anyone, and if this is what  Barbatos feels, in an impersonal, purely professional way – although “professional” doesn’t properly describe it,  Barbatos thinks, because it’s the oddity, the deviant feeling that seems to stray from his usual professionalism. It, unfortunately, is very much real. It overcomes, tortures, him whenever he least expects it, and if there’s a single being who can help him with it, who can understand it, it might be the Avatar of Lust himself. 

In the end, telling him is easy, like falling asleep.  Barbatos sits him down for a cup of coffee, and because this is a matter where he needs Asmodeus’ guidance, he pours himself a cup as well.  Barbatos does not hate coffee. He doesn’t even dislike it. It’s an art, as much as tea is, but a butler serving coffee seems ridiculous in his eyes. 

“I am  aromantic ,”  Barbatos tells him. 

Asmodeus looks up from his coffee and frowns. 

“Oh no,” he says, in a tone that is both more pitiful and less cold than  Barbatos expected. Perhaps he just expected Asmodeus to be confused about it but he seems to know what it was. 

“I felt that too, long ago,” Asmodeus finally continues. “Before I met Solomon, actually. I was attracted to people of course but I didn’t think I could feel love. But then I found someone, so I’m not... I’m not lonely anymore.”

“I am not lonely,”  Barbatos says. It comes out a little harsher than intended and he’s quick to put on a reassuring smile afterwards. Asmodeus seems unbothered by his tone, there’s a high chance that he didn’t notice it at all.  Barbatos ’ swings in mood are subtle, almost invisible to everyone who doesn’t know what to look for. 

“Ah-” Asmodeus lifts his hands and chuckles nervously. “No, of course not.”

“I never considered myself lonely. I’ve seen many realities but I cannot change. I am certain that I will never change,”  Barbatos tells him. 

Asmodeus nods, slowly, like he has to process this first. Eventually, he drops his hands and takes a huge sip of his coffee, as if to calm himself.  Barbatos watches him, smile unchanged, yet significantly less nervous. 

“But why are you telling me this?” Asmodeus asks after what feels like an eternity but can’t be more than a few seconds. Immortality should’ve taught  Barbatos patience but he’s antsy enough to experience an almost human perception of time. 

He looks down into his cup of coffee. 

“I am  aromantic but I still-” He inhales, stops himself, starts again. “I noticed that you were... attracted to me.”

“Ah,” Asmodeus makes again. “Don’t worry, I’m not  _ in love _ with you. You have a nice a-”

Barbatos looks up, his cheeks hot all of sudden. It’s that word, it has to be, even though Asmodeus used it earlier, with no such effect. 

The Avatar of Lust sighs. 

“Well, since you are going to bring me to that secret torture chamber anyway, I might as well say it. You have a nice ass. There.”

Barbatos tilts his head. 

“Torture chamber.”

“Mhmh.”

“I didn’t even know I had such a thing.”

“You don’t?” Asmodeus asks. 

“I shall consider it. Not for you, don’t worry about that.”

Asmodeus frowns, lifts his eyes and looks at him.  Barbatos finds it hard to keep up eye contact, even though Asmodeus’ powers have never once worked on him. 

“A nice ass?” he asks. It feels odd on his tongue, to swear, although this is not the first time  Barbatos has done this. He merely dislikes it. He’d make a good angel, at least when it comes to this. And he’d give up being a demon if this meant saving someone he cares for. Sometimes he believes that he can’t be a lot less competent than Michael, if he’s even less competent at all. He’s better with Luke, that’s for sure. 

Asmodeus grins. 

“Is that new information to you? Do you know that Diavolo looks at it sometimes?”

“I am aware,”  Barbatos says. It’s true, they even talked about this. After all, Lord Diavolo is the one who decided on  Barbatos ’ wardrobe. 

Asmodeus seems startled by this fact. He blinks and clears his throat. 

“Okay.”

“Was that purely for comedic effect?”  Barbatos forces himself to ask, even though every word is bitter and uncomfortable on his tongue, like he’s not supposed to utter them. “For shocking value? Or would you... If I proposed something to you-”

Asmodeus’ eyes have grown wide. He clutches his cup like his dear life depends on it. 

“Friends with benefits?”

He sounds excited, like Christmas just came early.  Barbatos feels something itchy in his throat, not pain, but some sort of emotion. He nods. 

“For real?”

Asmodeus grins, wider than it should be possible for any human, or demon for that matter. 

Barbatos nods again. 

“Okay, okay, you want to...”

“Have sex with you,”  Barbatos finishes the sentence very calmly. “I thought about all possible demons, and others, I might find interesting and attractive enough to have sex with without ruining the professional relationship I already have with them.”

“That’s why you didn’t ask Diavolo,” Asmodeus guesses. 

“Among other things.”

Asmodeus is kind enough not to ask. 

“And you can’t exactly ask the angels either. Well, one angel. Luke is basically your son at this point,” Asmodeus continues. “And my brothers are either stuck-up virgins or... no, that’s it.”

“You don’t have to accept now,”  Barbatos feels forced to say. 

“Oh, I know. But I want to.” Asmodeus grins at him, that heart-emitting kind. 

“Ah. Thank you.”

“Thank  _ you _ ,” Asmodeus says. “I can’t wait to- wait, I take it I’m not allowed to talk about it?”

“You could certainly try to talk about it. But judging by the fact that your brothers seem to assume that I own a torturing chamber, they’d rather see me as a heartless monster who does not have the ability to love, nor to actually feel any sort of sexual desire.”

Asmodeus’ face falls. 

“That’s not true.”

Barbatos tilts his head again, not sure what to respond now. 

Asmodeus is quick to lift his hands again. 

“Maybe you don’t love anyone, alright, but I know that you care about Diavolo. And Luke. And... Solomon, I know you picked him as a pact mate for a reason. That’s love too, you know?”

Barbatos chooses not to reply to this. He finds that he’s not angry, he’s trembling with something that might be the most intense emotion he has felt in this reality yet. He likes this one best so far, he thinks. 

“I’m sorry,” Asmodeus says after a while. “I’m so sorry-”

“Thank you,”  Barbatos interrupts him. “I value your insight. I am glad I trusted you with this.”

Asmodeus’ eyes light up at the word “trust”. He finishes his coffee and nods to himself. 

“I don’t want to keep you here. If there’s anything else you need to do...”

“Ah right! Homework!” 

Asmodeus jumps to his feet. 

“Hold up, can you excuse me from class for this?”

Barbatos glares at him. Asmodeus lets out a small giggle. 

“Right, right. That’s hot, you know? Might want to consider looking at me like that when we’re...”

He doesn’t finish that sentence but  Barbatos feels his ears heating up nonetheless. 

He waits until Asmodeus is done until he texts the group chat. 


	8. meme 1

[this conversation happens at 4am]

**Diavolo** : Barbatos, you should laugh more often. 

**Lucifer** : Why are you awake 

**Diavolo** : Why are YOU awake 

**Lucifer** : Point taken. 

**Barbatos** : Did I wake you up, My Lord? I'm sorry. 

**Diavolo** : Oh no, it's all good.  
What was so funny? 

**Barbatos** : Solomon sent me a joke. I think you call it a meme. 

**Diavolo** : What's a meme? 

**Barbatos** : I'm not sure, My Lord. 

**Diavolo** : Lucifer, can you ask the human when you see them again? It's important. 

**Lucifer** : Sure. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2Ffbdfa315-8b0c-4af2-95cf-14aa48963d75.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=7o5nqmYEO7vVmM&vet=12ahUKEwj4nfr6zvPtAhURohoKHSmJBS0QMygPegUIARC6AQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwj4nfr6zvPtAhURohoKHSmJBS0QMygPegUIARC6AQ) ] 

**Lucifer** : Do you want to tell us the joke, Barbatos? 

**Barbatos** : What do you call an aromantic person who happens to smell nice?

**Diavolo** : Oh! Your name! 

**Lucifer** : I thought that too. 

**Diavolo** : I can hear him laughing again. 

**Lucifer** : We're so good at this. 

**Diavolo** : We figured this meme thing out. 

**Barbatos** : The correct answer would be “aromatic”. 

**Lucifer** : Oh damn it. 

**Diavolo** : I liked ours more. 

**Lucifer** : I no longer like memes. 


	9. meme 2

**Barbatos** : I did some research.   
A meme (/miːm/) is an idea, behavior, or style that becomes a fad and spreads by means of imitation from person to person within a culture and often carries symbolic meaning representing a particular phenomenon or theme. A meme acts as a unit for carrying cultural ideas, symbols, or practices, that can be transmitted from one mind to another through writing, speech, gestures, rituals, or other imitable phenomena with a mimicked theme. Supporters of the concept regard memes as cultural analogues to genes in that they self-replicate, mutate, and respond to selective pressures.

**Lucifer** : Hm. 

**Barbatos** : I hate to admit it but I fail to see how this is related to the joke Solomon told me earlier. 

**Lucifer** : I don’t see it either. 

**Diavolo** : I looked it up in my edition of Youthful Fun 101.   
Apparently, the stickers we use in our chat are considered memes as well. 

**Lucifer** : I’ve been using memes against my will?

**Barbatos** : Did you ask the human what a meme is?

**Lucifer** : I did.   
They told me not to worry about it.   
They then ran away but I could see them typing something into their D.D.D. and I could’ve sworn that they were laughing. 

**Barbatos** : Hm.   
I am going to invite Solomon to the Castle.   
Maybe he can explain this to me. 

**Diavolo** : We can be glad that you have a pact with such a knowledgeable human. 

**Lucifer** : Will you send him my regards when you meet him?  
I’m afraid I’ll be too busy to greet him in person. 

**Diavolo** : Are you scared that he is going to ask you to get into a pact with him again?

**Lucifer** : I do not have to answer this. 

**Diavolo** : That’s a Yes. 

**Barbatos** : Don’t worry, Lucifer. I’ll tell him you said Hello. 

**Lucifer** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F474x%2F19%2F3e%2F1e%2F193e1e56ef124ab51952240621ae8d28.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.de%2Fpin%2F598204762997805320%2F&tbnid=D1RlQsxG3Ct7eM&vet=12ahUKEwiRsq791_PtAhWDwIUKHZK0B20QMygbegUIARDTAQ..i&docid=CSMFjlxnBCtV4M&w=417&h=388&itg=1&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiRsq791_PtAhWDwIUKHZK0B20QMygbegUIARDTAQ) ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> definition taken from Wikipedia


	10. accidental arson

**Diavolo** : Barbatos has a day off today.  
I’m making my own hot chocolate.  
[picture sent]

**Lucifer** : Diavolo. 

**Diavolo** : Yes?

**Barbatos** : GET THAT SPOON OUT OF THE MICROWAVE RIGHT NOW

**Lucifer** : Couldn’t have said it better.   
@Diavolo?  
Did you burn the Castle down?

**Diavolo** : [[sticker sent](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fexternal-preview.redd.it%2FYXbXa8zGQnIm1RM2bvdXWkfn1QmHLAeaLb4bLoN6WCw.jpg%3Fauto%3Dwebp%26s%3D77be577e19bafc9c3b7e2fcc4f75131fdcacb5d4&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fobeyme%2Fcomments%2Ffgyhr7%2Fi_couldnt_find_them_online_so_heres_a_list_of_all%2F&tbnid=ckLGzGvXdmGoOM&vet=12ahUKEwjaz_mmlv3tAhUKlBoKHSlWCZAQMygSegUIARC_AQ..i&docid=Fuq453KK3H0B-M&w=289&h=353&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjaz_mmlv3tAhUKlBoKHSlWCZAQMygSegUIARC_AQ)]  
Me and the spoon are safe!

**Barbatos** : I apologize for yelling, My Lord. 

**Diavolo** : That’s okay, we wouldn’t want the Castle to burn down while you are gone.   
The weirdest thing happened just now.   
I could’ve sworn that the time inside the microwave stopped somehow until I could get out my mug and remove the spoon.

**Lucifer** : How bizarre. 

**Diavolo** : I didn’t know your powers worked like that, Barbatos. 

**Barbatos** : It’s my duty to protect you, My Lord. No matter where I am right now.   
Solomon taught me this saying: It do be like that. 

**Lucifer** : This doesn’t seem to be grammatically correct.  
Are you sure this is what he said?

**Barbatos** : Yes. I asked him to write it down for me. 

**Lucifer** : Hm.   
It do be like that. 

**Barbatos** : Yes. 

**Lucifer** : And what does it mean?

**Barbatos** : I have no idea. 

**Lucifer** : How’s the hot chocolate, Diavolo?

**Diavolo** : Not too…  
Not too good. 

**Lucifer** : Do you want me to come over and make one for you?

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn141.picsart.com%2F328714983053211.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fpicsart.com%2Fi%2Fsticker-obeyme-328714983053211&tbnid=eJ9aQYYIwKBldM&vet=12ahUKEwjaz_mmlv3tAhUKlBoKHSlWCZAQMygTegUIARDBAQ..i&docid=jkqdmKni7lVVZM&w=2048&h=2048&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjaz_mmlv3tAhUKlBoKHSlWCZAQMygTegUIARDBAQ) ]

**Barbatos** : I’m going to be absent for a while. Please don’t put any more metal into the microwave, Young Master. 

**Diavolo** : I could never. 

**Barbatos** : Lucifer, would you make sure he doesn’t put any more metal into the microwave?

**Diavolo** : Hey!

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2F51%2F4a%2Ff0%2F514af07b421eef8bcacdacd5b16aacce.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.fr%2Fpin%2F674132637959368065%2F&tbnid=fVRj0p8kyWRJxM&vet=12ahUKEwjaz_mmlv3tAhUKlBoKHSlWCZAQMygbegUIARDRAQ..i&docid=X8KDsxs9XoCYzM&w=201&h=201&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjaz_mmlv3tAhUKlBoKHSlWCZAQMygbegUIARDRAQ) ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, that's exactly what he was doing on this day off.


	11. chihuahua 1

**Barbatos** :  [ what-type-of-dog-are-you ](https://uquiz.com/quiz/BuU7mW/what-type-of-dog-are-you)

**Lucifer** : Are you missing the angels by any chance?

**Barbatos** : It says I’m a Corgi. 

**Lucifer** : I take it as a Yes, then. 

**Diavolo** : I want to try!  
It says I’m a Labrador.   
Am I playful?

**Barbatos** : I cannot answer that, My Lord. 

**Lucifer** : Yes, you are, Diavolo.   
Do I have to remind you of how much you enjoy the video games Levi got you obsessed with?

**Diavolo** : So this time the result was very accurate.  
Did you know that corgis are very loved in the human world, Barbatos?

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn131.picsart.com%2F328647023009211.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fpicsart.com%2Fi%2F328647023009211&tbnid=UMNkyrnaArKOYM&vet=12ahUKEwjasPfz2v_tAhVV-4UKHRdHC0wQMygTegUIARDBAQ..i&docid=_8Zb0-C0qhrvuM&w=2020&h=2009&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjasPfz2v_tAhVV-4UKHRdHC0wQMygTegUIARDBAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : It says I’m a Rottweiler.   
Hm.  
They look very majestic. 

**Diavolo** : And they can look scary when necessary. 

**Barbatos** : Rottweilers are very elegant dogs.  
I just saw that Chihuahua was one of the possible results as well. 

**Diavolo** : Do you miss Luke that much?  
I suppose we can adopt a dog and have it live in the Castle with us if you want. 

**Barbatos** : I don’t want a dog. 

**Diavolo** : You could also pay the Celestial Realm a visit.   
Lucifer can take care of me now, you know.   
That means you’re free to go to visit some angels. 

**Barbatos** : I couldn’t ask that of you, My Lord. 

**Diavolo** : That’s why I’m suggesting it! You didn’t have to ask!

**Barbatos** : I’m thinking about it. 

**Lucifer** : I’m not saying that you have to do it but considering you’ll go…  
And you go ahead and let that Chihuahua sign the adoption papers…  
Could you make sure that Michael sees it?

**Barbatos** : I can’t just adopt an angel, Lucifer.

**Lucifer** : I’m just saying, if it ever comes to that?  
Make sure you get a good view of Michael’s face. 

**Barbatos** : Alright. 

**Diavolo** : But don’t start a war with the Celestial Realm, Barbatos. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me your results in the comments if you do the test! Or not, your choice.


	12. chihuahua 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which the fantastic three groupchat gets used as a vent channel.

**Barbatos** : Do you think I’d make a good angel?

**Lucifer** : Where is that coming from?

**Diavolo** : Are you ready for your trip, Barbatos?

**Barbatos** : Yes, I’m prepared for everything, My Lord.   
It’s just… if my inability to love isn’t related to me being a demon  
Would I be a good angel?

**Lucifer** : Well, you have a great sense of what’s right and what’s wrong.   
And you are kinder than most angels I have met during my time as one.   
I would even go ahead and say that you are kinder than I was as an angel. 

**Diavolo** : Lucifer.   
I can’t have you talking nonsense.   
You were a beautiful angel and you’re even better as a demon now. 

**Lucifer** : That’s not what I meant! I was arrogant. Barbatos isn’t. 

**Barbatos** : I don’t know what to say.   
Thank you, Lucifer. 

**Lucifer** : I’m not saying this to be nice, it’s just the truth. 

**Barbatos** : I appreciate it. 

**Diavolo** : Do you think you could bring me a souvenir from heaven?

**Lucifer** : There’s no such thing as souvenirs in heaven, Diavolo.  
Angels pride themselves in not being obsessed with material possessions. 

**Diavolo** : What a waste. 

**Lucifer** : If you want to have some Celestial Realm merchandise, maybe try buying something at a Church gift shop. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F64.media.tumblr.com%2F17f6636a20cde5766bd49f09a3bc0f00%2F169b6f80161c909a-09%2Fs250x400%2F942d3dfcca60d6137171e362621e18b4069b800c.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fsailormango.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F190355085368%2Fobey-me-stickers-i-dont-believe-these-are-all-of&tbnid=l7UTh9kSs3TvVM&vet=12ahUKEwjasPfz2v_tAhVV-4UKHRdHC0wQMygeegUIARDXAQ..i&docid=I_tPQzZEJgx98M&w=200&h=200&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjasPfz2v_tAhVV-4UKHRdHC0wQMygeegUIARDXAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2Faf%2F69%2F91%2Faf69918f61537edf412435613ca14bf1.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F639651953314452354%2F&tbnid=NnyNf8RYw9-9hM&vet=12ahUKEwjasPfz2v_tAhVV-4UKHRdHC0wQMygWegUIARDHAQ..i&docid=2hPPr1ORFWdSSM&w=201&h=201&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjasPfz2v_tAhVV-4UKHRdHC0wQMygWegUIARDHAQ) ]

**Diavolo** : Or maybe Barbatos can bring me another angel feather to use as a bookmark.   
I bet the Celestial Realm is full of those. 

**Lucifer** : ...  
While we’re at it, did we discuss a strategy for the bangle incident?

**Diavolo** : Ah. 

**Barbatos** : I was told not to mention it until further notice. 

**Lucifer** : I understand. 

**Diavolo** : I don’t want a diplomatic incident like that to ruin the possible adoption. 

**Barbatos** : I am not adopting an angel, Diavolo. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F72%2Fec%2F36%2F72ec369800c04f2bf9e7532ddaa4fd71.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F679832506237457380%2F&tbnid=WjUi_4i5Rju3SM&vet=12ahUKEwjasPfz2v_tAhVV-4UKHRdHC0wQMygIegUIARCrAQ..i&docid=8vtmKDgTS8fmBM&w=200&h=226&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjasPfz2v_tAhVV-4UKHRdHC0wQMygIegUIARCrAQ) ]

**Barbatos** : Luke is free to stay wherever he wishes. I cannot force him to go anywhere.   
And I don’t want to force him either.   
Everyone treats him like he’s a child but he’s considerably older than the human.   
I want him to have a choice. 

**Lucifer** : You can symbolically adopt him.   
Tell him he’s free to visit whenever he wants to. 

**Diavolo** : He can be part of the family without having to specify what he is to you.  
Even if you just invite him as a baking student every now and then. 

**Barbatos** : That is very thoughtful of you.   
I’m sorry for getting emotional. 

**Diavolo** : Have a safe trip, Barbatos. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bangles I mentioned are from the event where everyone got cursed to wear their angel outfits which was such an UNWISE diplomatic decision from Heaven, I can talk about this for hours. 
> 
> That being said, there is no real timeline for this fanfic but I might reference a few of my other works because everything I write is roughly set in the same AU. Or reality. This is the reality where Barbatos came out as aromantic and it's the best one, thank you.


	13. home alone

**Lucifer** : Levi made me watch an entire human TV show. He wouldn’t let me go until we had finished it.   
oh wait  
should we use a private chat to text while Barbatos is gone?

**Diavolo** : What’s a private chat?

**Lucifer** : Ah.  
Nevermind. 

**Diavolo** : What was the show about?

**Lucifer** : An angel and a demon working together and becoming close with each other.   
They also attempted to stop the apocalypse. 

**Diavolo** : Sounds familiar. 

**Lucifer** : Don’t. 

**Diavolo** : Alright.   
Did you enjoy it?

**Lucifer** : I suppose I did. I rather would’ve spent my weekend with you. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2F4a438fd7-60e1-4fbe-9830-66a71846ad31.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=zRD-lvbjZxGjdM&vet=12ahUKEwjasPfz2v_tAhVV-4UKHRdHC0wQMygBegUIARCbAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjasPfz2v_tAhVV-4UKHRdHC0wQMygBegUIARCbAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : At least you didn’t burn down the Castle yet.   
We would’ve noticed that. 

**Diavolo** : Are you proud?

**Lucifer** : I’m always proud of you. 

**Diavolo** : You are very important to me, Lucifer. 

**Lucifer** : I know. 

**Diavolo** : So you did watch those movies!

**Lucifer** : I have no idea what you’re talking about. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2Fec%2Ff6%2F2f%2Fecf62feef0745d6705e85793185ceae6.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F599260294155754713%2F&tbnid=JRj3EbxOhfHqtM&vet=12ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygDegUIARCgAQ..i&docid=g2fd-UMABZQZCM&w=200&h=203&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygDegUIARCgAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : You’re incredible sometimes. 

**Diavolo** : I know. 

**Lucifer** : So, now that I’m free, I assume I can come over to the Castle and watch your attempts at burning it to the ground?  
@Diavolo?

**Diavolo** : I heard something. 

**Lucifer** : Is Barbatos back already?

**Diavolo** : Something is wrong.   
I’ll talk to you later. 

**Lucifer** : Be careful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're in LOVE okay?


	14. chihuahua 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter contains spoilers for the lessons 30-40 but it's very vague and you probably have no idea what I'm talking about if you didn't play the lessons. I did. I now no longer have glowsticks. Was it worth it? Maybe. 
> 
> also: warnings for explicit language and Michael (derogatory)   
> everyone is a little out of character in this but I don't care.

**Lucifer** : How’s Barbatos doing?

**Diavolo** : The spell has worn off just now, actually.   
He should be able to talk again. 

**Lucifer** : Who would’ve thought that a muting spell extends to text communication as well. 

**Barbatos** : I could’ve broken the spell, of course, but I didn’t want to be disrespectful. 

**Diavolo** : It’s good to see that you’re alright. 

**Lucifer** : Did they do anything else to you?  
Can we start a war over this?

**Barbatos** : Nobody is starting a war, I’m fine. 

**Lucifer** : I can’t believe they put a spell on one of the most powerful demons in the devildom.   
Who do those angels think they are?

**Diavolo** : Lucifer. 

**Lucifer** : I’m sorry. 

**Diavolo** : It’s nice to see that you worry about Barbatos but I need to know what happened. 

**Lucifer** : I’m not worried  
This is a matter of principle. 

**Barbatos** : [[sticker sent](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2Ffbdfa315-8b0c-4af2-95cf-14aa48963d75.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=7o5nqmYEO7vVmM&vet=12ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygTegUIARDCAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygTegUIARDCAQ)]  
Let me start by saying that I am unharmed and that I understand their reaction.   
I am not offended by what happened.   
Simeon welcomed me in the Celestial Realm and everything was very lovely.   
But on my second day, I was asked to deliver the Ring of Light. 

**Lucifer** : I’m not saying that we could’ve guessed that but…

**Barbatos** : I was prepared for that, don’t worry.   
However, I was not prepared for Luke speaking up for me. 

**Diavolo** : That’s very sweet of him. 

**Barbatos** : Michael was not amused by his choice of words. 

**Lucifer** : … What did he say?

**Barbatos** : I don’t want to repeat this anywhere. 

**Diavolo** : Barbatos. 

**Barbatos** : He said, “For Fuck’s sake, would you have preferred to have an apocalypse on your hands instead?”

**Lucifer** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fexternal-preview.redd.it%2FYXbXa8zGQnIm1RM2bvdXWkfn1QmHLAeaLb4bLoN6WCw.jpg%3Fauto%3Dwebp%26s%3D77be577e19bafc9c3b7e2fcc4f75131fdcacb5d4&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fobeyme%2Fcomments%2Ffgyhr7%2Fi_couldnt_find_them_online_so_heres_a_list_of_all%2F&tbnid=ckLGzGvXdmGoOM&vet=12ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygSegUIARDAAQ..i&docid=Fuq453KK3H0B-M&w=289&h=353&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygSegUIARDAAQ) ]

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fexternal-preview.redd.it%2FYXbXa8zGQnIm1RM2bvdXWkfn1QmHLAeaLb4bLoN6WCw.jpg%3Fauto%3Dwebp%26s%3D77be577e19bafc9c3b7e2fcc4f75131fdcacb5d4&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fobeyme%2Fcomments%2Ffgyhr7%2Fi_couldnt_find_them_online_so_heres_a_list_of_all%2F&tbnid=ckLGzGvXdmGoOM&vet=12ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygSegUIARDAAQ..i&docid=Fuq453KK3H0B-M&w=289&h=353&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygSegUIARDAAQ) ]

**Barbatos** : He then explained that I have always been kind to him and that I don’t deserve this treatment.   
After that Michael used the spell on both me and Luke, since he expected him to have learnt this kind of language from me. 

**Lucifer** : I never heard you curse. 

**Diavolo** : I can’t remember the last time you did that either.   
Apart from just now, of course. 

**Lucifer** : Did they mention the bangles at all?

**Barbatos** : No, they did not. 

**Lucifer** : So, they just asked you for the Ring of Light and when you said you didn’t have it, they cursed you. 

**Barbatos** : That was about it. 

**Diavolo** : Barbatos. 

**Barbatos** : They had to make sure that I did not have the Ring of Light with me. 

**Lucifer** : They searched you.   
Diavolo, we have to do something.   
I didn’t care about the bangles but this is different. 

**Diavolo** : Barbatos.   
Can you be sure that they are not going to harm Luke?

**Barbatos** : Yes. 

**Diavolo** : Then I don’t see the need to do anything.   
And I ban you from doing anything either, Lucifer. 

**Lucifer** : Alright.   
Do you still want me to come over?

**Diavolo** : I don’t see why not. 

**Barbatos** : I will prepare tea. 

**Diavolo** : Absolutely not. You’re still on vacation.   
Why don’t you text Luke and ask him if he’s okay?

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2F6a%2Fcd%2F1e%2F6acd1e8e37c69c33e1fbc8a139e90593.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F639651953314452192%2F&tbnid=80McGaX6xB6PvM&vet=12ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygbegUIARDSAQ..i&docid=U0hxtD2sy4vV2M&w=201&h=201&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygbegUIARDSAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : You know what’s funny?  
This reminds me of the show Levi forced me to watch.   
But thankfully we did not have to betray the Devildom to stop the apocalypse.   
I’m not sure if I could ever betray Diavolo. 

**Barbatos** : Didn’t you already do that when you kept Belphie’s imprisonment a secret?

**Lucifer** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2Faf%2F69%2F91%2Faf69918f61537edf412435613ca14bf1.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F639651953314452354%2F&tbnid=NnyNf8RYw9-9hM&vet=12ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygWegUIARDIAQ..i&docid=2hPPr1ORFWdSSM&w=201&h=201&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwii5K2twYTuAhUDexoKHSw2BjAQMygWegUIARDIAQ) ]

**Diavolo** : Looking back, I was wrong. Lucifer did the right thing and I am proud of him. 

**Lucifer** : I’m proud of you too. 

**Diavolo** : I know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the headcanon that Luke can say (and WILL say) "fuck" is from my lovely girlfriend @thegoldengirl on here!   
> I just wanted to credit her for this because I did not come up with this amazing concept alone.


	15. diplomacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not exactly spoilers for the new lessons, since I'm not caught up yet, but Lucifer + the brothers are currently in the human realm and Diavolo is pissed about it. 
> 
> This chapter is set a few weeks after this update, but like I said, I don't have an actual timeline

**Diavolo** : It’s snowing in the human world. 

**Barbatos** : Are you done with your tasks yet?

**Diavolo** : …  
You are mean, Barbatos.   
It just keeps getting more and more. 

**Barbatos** : I understand your frustration. 

**Diavolo** : But I suppose complaining isn’t going to get me anywhere.   
You have to send pictures, alright, Lucifer?

**Lucifer** : [picture sent]  
[picture sent]  
[picture sent]

**Barbatos** : Wait. 

**Lucifer** : Ah.  
Yes, that’s Luke.   
Apparently, the angels have been sent to the human realm to open up a cafe of sorts.  
I don’t understand it and I don’t care for it. 

**Diavolo** : Lucifer, you beautiful genius. 

**Lucifer** : I don’t understand. 

**Barbatos** : Is it still snowing?

**Lucifer** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2F1b2b293b-e980-436d-a269-80fc85d277c5.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=1iilMEbG6uPePM&vet=12ahUKEwiVob_MupvuAhWWOuwKHZsgAxQQMygFegUIARCjAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiVob_MupvuAhWWOuwKHZsgAxQQMygFegUIARCjAQ) ]

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F7a%2F41%2Fa7%2F7a41a7709e295559c42f45410905d6ba.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fin.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F371687775500524086%2F&tbnid=wa4yqHnoEUWaqM&vet=12ahUKEwiVob_MupvuAhWWOuwKHZsgAxQQMygOegUIARC1AQ..i&docid=tvJ69e6vrTGOmM&w=2048&h=2048&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiVob_MupvuAhWWOuwKHZsgAxQQMygOegUIARC1AQ) ]

**Barbatos** : Alright. Fine.   
This one time. Have fun.   
But would you do me a favor in return, My Lord?

**Diavolo** : Yes?

**Barbatos** : Do you remember the scarf I bought last week?

**Diavolo** : The one you didn’t allow me to pay for, yes. 

**Barbatos** : Yes. 

**Diavolo** : What’s wrong with it?

**Barbatos** : Nothing. Would you take it with you and tell Luke it’s from me?

**Diavolo** : You’re not coming with me?

**Barbatos** : No, I couldn’t.   
Don’t worry about it.

**Lucifer:** Are you sure about this?

**Barbatos** : I am.   
… but maybe you can bring a souvenir from the human world?

**Diavolo** : Are there gift shops in the human world, Lucifer?

**Lucifer** : Yes, there are. 

**Diavolo** : And tea! There’s a lot of tea, right?

**Barbatos** : Don’t tempt me, My Lord. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2Ff2%2F5e%2F0e%2Ff25e0ec4867dfdb920128b63a402600e.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F674132637959366030%2F&tbnid=od_jzRZMZdIwjM&vet=12ahUKEwiVob_MupvuAhWWOuwKHZsgAxQQMygPegUIARC3AQ..i&docid=pFeLGNi4k0tlvM&w=201&h=201&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiVob_MupvuAhWWOuwKHZsgAxQQMygPegUIARC3AQ) ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shameless self advertising but I posted another one-shot a few days ago! It's about the Like a Dame event and includes some wholesome Solomon/Asmodeus and a bunch of angst surrounding Barbatos' powers. Enjoy!


	16. what could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT, SO
> 
> I killed the rest of my remaining glow sticks and started lesson 44 and this is what happened. 
> 
> I decided to bend canon a bit and make use of the new Barbatos/Asmodeus alliance. I'm going to call it an alliance but we all know what they do.
> 
> warnings for this chapter: mention of drowning, hint of unspecified eating disorders

**Barbatos** : Since I’m all by myself this evening, I decided to watch a human world Anime Leviathan recommended to me the last time I drove him back to the House of Lamentation.   
And because you asked me to give updates on what I'm doing, you will get live commentary from yours truly.  
The Anime is called Banana Fish.   
I wonder what it’s about. 

**Barbatos** : Alright, this is not what I expected. 

**Barbatos** : I really like the art style so far. 

**Barbatos** : This is darker than expected. 

**Barbatos** : I'm almost halfway through.  
I wonder how Levi manages to watch that much in one setting.  
My eyes are suffering. 

**Barbatos** : I finished dinner and now I will finally continue. 

**Barbatos** : Oh. 

**Barbatos** : I forgot to give updates but it's getting very intense. 

**Barbatos** : I will now start the last episode.

**Diavolo** : Barbatos, I order you to stop. 

**Barbatos** : Why that, My Lord? 

**Diavolo** : It's for your own good. Stop watching. Now. 

**Barbatos** : Alright. 

**Lucifer** : You really dodged a bullet there. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2Ff2%2F5e%2F0e%2Ff25e0ec4867dfdb920128b63a402600e.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F674132637959366030%2F&tbnid=od_jzRZMZdIwjM&vet=12ahUKEwiY_Pzx4p7uAhUFyKQKHUKiDNsQMygNegUIARCyAQ..i&docid=pFeLGNi4k0tlvM&w=201&h=201&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiY_Pzx4p7uAhUFyKQKHUKiDNsQMygNegUIARCyAQ)] 

**Lucifer** : I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. 

**Barbatos** : I don't understand. 

**Diavolo** : Now that that threat has been avoided, Lucifer and I are having human food right now. 

**Lucifer** : McDonald's.   
We're inside a McDonald's. 

**Diavolo** : I feel so authentic! 

**Lucifer** : We also delivered the scarf like you asked, Barbatos.   
Luke was very happy. He misses you. 

**Barbatos** : I miss him too. 

**Lucifer** : I took the liberty of telling him that. 

**Barbatos** : Thank you. 

**Lucifer** : You're welcome. 

**Diavolo** : Get back to your food, Lucifer.   
Do you remember what Asmodeus asked for? 

**Barbatos** : Asmodeus? 

**Lucifer** : You don't have to text me, I'm right next to you. 

**Diavolo** : Maybe I want Barbatos to feel like he's with us. 

**Barbatos** : That's very considerate of you, Young Master. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2Fa77b5992-ffc6-4ec7-bee1-7c95ee90edef.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=XwRUHE6SBjFCuM&vet=12ahUKEwiY_Pzx4p7uAhUFyKQKHUKiDNsQMygDegUIARCdAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiY_Pzx4p7uAhUFyKQKHUKiDNsQMygDegUIARCdAQ)]

**Lucifer** : There was an accident a few days ago.  
Regarding Solomon's cooking.  
Asmodeus is still recovering from it. We promised to bring him a cheeseburger. 

**Diavolo** : That was it! Thank you, Lucifer. 

**Barbatos** : That sounds awful. I will text him, thank you for telling me.   
Enjoy your food. 

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2Ffbdfa315-8b0c-4af2-95cf-14aa48963d75.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=7o5nqmYEO7vVmM&vet=12ahUKEwiY_Pzx4p7uAhUFyKQKHUKiDNsQMygZegUIARDKAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiY_Pzx4p7uAhUFyKQKHUKiDNsQMygZegUIARDKAQ)] 

**Lucifer** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2Ffbdfa315-8b0c-4af2-95cf-14aa48963d75.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=7o5nqmYEO7vVmM&vet=12ahUKEwiY_Pzx4p7uAhUFyKQKHUKiDNsQMygZegUIARDKAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiY_Pzx4p7uAhUFyKQKHUKiDNsQMygZegUIARDKAQ)]

* * *

bonus:

**Barbatos** : Asmodeus. 

**Asmodeus** : Hey!! How are you doing?  
I heard you're all alone in the Castle. I'm almost tempted to come over. 

**Barbatos** : How are you feeling? 

**Asmodeus** : Ah. So you've heard. 

**Barbatos** : I'm sorry. 

**Asmodeus** : It's okay haha! It's pretty funny, isn't it?   
I almost drowned in the bathtub, that wasn't on my bucket list.  
I guess we have to postpone our next date, I'm currently trying to pay for the water damage. 

**Barbatos** : Excuse me? 

**Asmodeus** : I'm sorry!  
I promise I'll do my best but I don't have any designing projects going on, so it might take a while.

**Barbatos** : You almost drowned?

**Asmodeus** : Oh. 

**Barbatos** : This isn't a joke?  
Do I understand that right? 

**Asmodeus** : I mean, it is funny. 

**Barbatos** : Would you excuse me for a minute? 

**Asmodeus** : Barbatos!  
I don’t know what just happened but Lucifer told me I don’t have to pay for the water damage anymore!  
This means I can bring you tea from the human world.  
And I can go out partying tonight!  
This is the best day ever. 

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2F4dcebc76-487b-4087-b9d2-45a3f42f0baf.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=P1nLYLi29IS5CM&vet=12ahUKEwiY_Pzx4p7uAhUFyKQKHUKiDNsQMygOegUIARC0AQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiY_Pzx4p7uAhUFyKQKHUKiDNsQMygOegUIARC0AQ)]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry that the last updates are rather serious/angsty, I promise there's fluff coming your way soon.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to today's chapter, can I show you my new religion?   
> Yes?  
> Good.   
> [shows you "The Legendary Dame" memory card]  
> That's all, thank you.

**Diavolo** : Barbatos, I can’t believe you used that power again.   
Don’t you remember what happened the last time you did this?  
Do you want time and space to finally collapse?

**Barbatos** : I’m sorry, My Lord.   
Asmodeus asked me to. I couldn’t resist. 

**Diavolo** : There’s only one way to make this better. 

**Barbatos** : Do I have to, My Lord?

**Diavolo** : Yes. 

**Barbatos** : [[picture sent](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/obey-me/images/6/60/The_Legendary_Dame.png/revision/latest?cb=20210109060216)]  
[picture sent]  
[picture sent]

**Diavolo** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2Ffbdfa315-8b0c-4af2-95cf-14aa48963d75.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=7o5nqmYEO7vVmM&vet=12ahUKEwjmx_zp3aruAhVWwoUKHQ5eBbAQMygNegUIARCzAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjmx_zp3aruAhVWwoUKHQ5eBbAQMygNegUIARCzAQ) ]

**Lucifer** : You were not talking about his time related powers, were you?

**Diavolo** : No, why would you think that?

**Lucifer** : No reason, really.   
You do look nice in the dress, Barbatos. I like the color of your lipstick. 

**Barbatos** : It was a gift from the human world. I was told it tastes like peaches. 

**Lucifer** : I am going to take your word for that. 

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2F4a438fd7-60e1-4fbe-9830-66a71846ad31.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=zRD-lvbjZxGjdM&vet=12ahUKEwjmx_zp3aruAhVWwoUKHQ5eBbAQMygBegUIARCaAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjmx_zp3aruAhVWwoUKHQ5eBbAQMygBegUIARCaAQ) ]

**Diavolo** : I didn’t know lipstick could do that! Lucifer, did you know that?

**Lucifer** : I suppose Asmodeus may have mentioned it at some point.   
Why?

**Diavolo** : I think you know why. 

**Lucifer** : Ah. 

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn131.picsart.com%2F328647023009211.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fpicsart.com%2Fi%2F328647023009211&tbnid=UMNkyrnaArKOYM&vet=12ahUKEwjmx_zp3aruAhVWwoUKHQ5eBbAQMygSegUIARC9AQ..i&docid=_8Zb0-C0qhrvuM&w=2020&h=2009&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjmx_zp3aruAhVWwoUKHQ5eBbAQMygSegUIARC9AQ) ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY BUT  
> can we talk about this memory card, I have so many feelings about the devilgram story djskfhskd  
> barbatos is so beautiful he almost destroyed the devildom with his beauty... an icon....... so powerful...... i want him to hug me....


	18. oh yes, plenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is an actual story part again, you're welcome (or I'm sorry).  
> this is based on the "the legendary dame" memory card story but it doesn't have any spoilers in it. I made a reference to my last one-shot I wrote about the dame event, I will try to link it later but if I fail to do that, the title is "existence is a vague thing"
> 
> warnings for this chapter: implied sexual content (Asmodeus/Barbatos), implied past major character death, this is not how barbatos' powers work

“Is there anything you can’t do?” the human asks. 

Asmodeus looks over to Barbatos to catch his reaction. Of course he expects Barbatos to deny the compliment or to turn it into one for Asmodeus and the human. Instead, he freezes, his face neutral still but there’s something in his eyes that Asmodeus can’t place. But then he puts on a smile, his face softens and the weird expression disappears from his eyes. 

“Oh yes,” he says. “Plenty.”

Asmodeus raises an eyebrow. 

“Says you, but I’ve never seen you fail at anything,” he tells the fellow demon. 

A beat. Maybe it just seems this way but Asmodeus can feel time stretch around him, in a way it is not supposed to work. It could be Barbatos’ doing. 

Before Asmodeus can make sense out of it, time starts moving again. 

Barbatos changes the topic. 

Asmodeus allows it to happen, even though something keeps repeating inside his head. Barbatos’ voice. 

_Oh yes, plenty._

He doesn’t dare to talk about it in front of the human. 

_Oh yes, plenty._

_What did you do, Barbatos?_

* * *

  
  


Barbatos’ lipstick tastes like peach. Asmodeus has found him attractive before but something about Barbatos in a dress and longer hair makes him go insane. Asmodeus is no stranger to changing his appearance but Barbatos didn’t need to do that. His body is still him, he’s so familiar but so different. 

“How do you do that?” Asmodeus whispers against his skin, causing Barbatos to shiver a little. 

“Do what?” he asks back. 

“Be so perfect.”

It’s like time never existed at all. Asmodeus feels his stomach drop when everything around him freezes. 

Panic, he realizes. This is Barbatos’ response when he’s afraid. Asmodeus never noticed it before but this can’t be the first time it’s happening. It’s like he’s suddenly become aware of it now that he’s close to the demon. 

“Barbatos?” he asks. 

“I’m not. I told you.”

“And yet I’ve never seen you fail.”

Time is back and the panic in the air has settled into Barbatos’ eyes instead. 

“Barbatos,” Asmodeus repeats, softer, in a tone that is reserved for Solomon but who knows where those lines blur, who knows what Asmodeus feels and what he’s supposed to feel? What is a word in the context of an immortal life?

“We don’t say this because we expect you to be perfect. We say this because we admire you. Making mistakes is normal-”

Barbatos puts on a smile that does nothing to reassure Asmodeus that he is fine. 

“I am very sorry to interrupt you but I am not supposed to be normal.”

_Oh boy._

But Barbatos held Asmodeus’ hand when he cried because he called him beautiful. If Barbatos picks up the pieces after he accidentally upsets Asmodeus, Asmodeus should do the same. 

“I didn’t say that you are normal. I’m just saying that you can make mistakes like everyone else,” he tells Barbatos. 

“Asmodeus,” Barbatos says. He doesn’t say his name a lot but if he does it, he doesn’t shorten it. “Do you know what happened the last time I made a mistake? The last time I wasn’t quick enough?”

“No,” Asmodeus says quietly. 

He’s not always aware of Barbatos’ powers, not like this. When Barbatos looks away, it hits him like a punch to the stomach. It’s like looking into the blinding sun and hoping that it doesn’t blind you - but there is no sun in the devildom, there’s only Barbatos and power bright enough to burn Asmodeus. 

“You never see me fail but that doesn’t mean I have never failed,” Barbatos says. 

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Asmodeus comments. This clearly wasn’t what Barbatos expected him to say because his pretty face turns into a frown and he looks back at him. 

Asmodeus tries very hard not to roll his eyes. 

“Is this about the time you had to bring the human back from another timeline because Belphie killed them? Because I am very sure that this wasn’t your mistake to begin with.” 

“Wh-” Barbatos makes, obviously at a loss for words. Asmodeus has never felt this powerful. Has he just outsmarted the smartest person he has ever met? Or at least the most thoughtful person. Solomon can keep the title as the most accidental smart person Asmodeus ever had the luck to meet. 

“Did you… did you really blame yourself for that?”

Barbatos’ eyes are big and confused. He looks so innocent, so vulnerable that Asmodeus wants to hold him between his hands and to yell at anyone who comes too close. 

“It’s my responsibility to-”

Asmodeus lifts a finger. Barbatos’ eyes follow the movement and the frown on his face deepens. The people who have the most to say are the easiest to shut up, which is something Asmodeus knows because in times he has nothing helpful to say, he will talk the longest. He is sure that Barbatos knows more than he ever could. _And yet,_ whenever Asmodeus interrupts, he readily pauses and waits for his input. 

[“If I were to die-” Asmodeus starts but interrupts himself when Barbatos flinches. ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28712100)

It feels like Asmodeus swallowed something bitter, something toxic, that now spreads inside his lungs and makes him suffocate. Things make sense, all of sudden. The fact that Barbatos knew that they were going to get attacked. The fact that he looked tired, haunted, the way he kept looking at Asmodeus ever since it happened. Something happened and Asmodeus doesn’t feel brave enough to make Barbatos talk about it. 

“Does it hurt?” Asmodeus blurts out. 

Barbatos shakes his head. 

“Then how does it feel?”

For a few seconds, he is silent. Time doesn’t move, it doesn’t freeze either. Barbatos is thinking but he allows time to flow normally while he does it. 

“It has… some effect on me. I cannot tell what it does, exactly,” he finally says, carefully, like he knows everything he says could potentially upset Asmodeus. Perhaps he already had this conversation before, with Diavolo, with Lucifer, maybe with the both of them. 

“And you keep doing it because you assume it’s your responsibility to fix everything?” Asmodeus asks. “No, don’t answer that.”

“I understand that you worry about me but I owe it to the Young Master-”

Asmodeus feels a little bad when he puts his finger up to Barbatos’ lips and shakes his head. 

“Wrong. You deserve to be loved. Very violently if you don’t understand it otherwise. Do you really think he’d let you die for him? For any of us?”

And because Barbatos doesn’t lie, he doesn’t say anything. Which is an answer in itself, Asmodeus thinks. 

“I think I found something you’re terrible at,” Asmodeus says and removes his finger from Barbatos’ lips. He leans closer until he can smell Barbatos’ bodywash and the perfume he put on to complete the Dame-aesthetic. “You are terrible at taking compliments.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: the one-shot referenced is linked at the sentence that referenced the one-shot. I sure hope this works, I'm about as good with technology as Simeon is.


	19. 15.02

**Barbatos** : [[link sent](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvNLWsBQYPE&t=796s)]  
The human sent me this link. It’s a video of someone driving through a city.   
Apparently, this is considered calming. 

**Lucifer** : Did you ever visit that country?

**Barbatos** : Yes. Did you?

**Lucifer** : No, not yet. But I’d like to go there sometime. 

**Barbatos** : The human told me they want to go there again too. 

**Diavolo** : That tower looks pretty. 

**Barbatos** : It is. 

**Diavolo** : Anyway.  
What are you two doing?  
Don’t you know what time of the year it is?

**Lucifer** : I can’t follow. 

**Diavolo** : It’s the day after Valentine’s Day! You should know what to do!

**Lucifer** : I assumed my boyfriend duties are over now?  
Did I use that right? Boyfriend?

**Diavolo** : Yes, yes, you did wonderfully.   
Barbatos, help me out. You should know. 

**Barbatos** : The Young Master typically spends the day after Valentine’s Day buying discounted chocolate that they didn’t manage to sell. 

**Diavolo** :  [[sticker sent]  
](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.sticker.ly%2Fsticker_pack%2FJO0Zk5KD4TOo5vicpZOQlg%2FUCL92M%2F31%2F1b2b293b-e980-436d-a269-80fc85d277c5.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsticker.ly%2Fs%2FUCL92M&tbnid=1iilMEbG6uPePM&vet=12ahUKEwiTn-WqnO7uAhVBtaQKHUT_CtEQMygAegUIARCnAQ..i&docid=UojEP3ZIygwr8M&w=512&h=512&q=obey%20me%20sticker%20yes&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiTn-WqnO7uAhVBtaQKHUT_CtEQMygAegUIARCnAQ) So will you come with me, Barbatos?

**Barbatos** : [[sticker sent]  
](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fexternal-preview.redd.it%2FkffyQW0uB2K2C66GKhE9SrOd_jldXkJ7F8xvZdjrRxo.jpg%3Fauto%3Dwebp%26s%3D26a3a96fd46e64eebc2a417928f36c222180da2c&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fobeyme%2Fcomments%2Fhgoihv%2Fobey_me_chat_stickers%2F&tbnid=WClwcPdIBSPbMM&vet=12ahUKEwi5pdfZm-7uAhUK26QKHe7hBysQMygKegUIARDGAQ..i&docid=mzg0v8GpuHXXWM&w=1472&h=1424&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwi5pdfZm-7uAhUK26QKHe7hBysQMygKegUIARDGAQ)I’m sorry, My Lord.  
I already promised Luke to go with him. 

**Diavolo** : I can’t believe this.   
Lucifer, are you busy right now?

**Lucifer** : You know very well that you dropped off yesterday’s work at my desk. 

**Diavolo** : Ah. Right.   
So that means I’m all by myself.   
I shall ask the human.   
Just you know, you brought this onto yourself. 

**Barbatos** : I’m sorry, My Lord. 

**Diavolo** : No, not you, you have to spend time with your son. 

**Barbatos** : I am no longer sorry. 

**Diavolo** :  [ [sticker sent] ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F64.media.tumblr.com%2F902aa4147446778ca92d876db386c9c7%2F58e32ba80b3354da-af%2Fs250x400%2F42030b8c761462dad3dd93f41c6180b06e79f332.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Flilli-chae.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F615184346549256192%2Fplease-likereblog-if-you-use-i-worked-so-hard&tbnid=G4vD8ZFn9-i_9M&vet=12ahUKEwiTn-WqnO7uAhVBtaQKHUT_CtEQMygSegUIARDMAQ..i&docid=E1pylHZXstWkTM&w=198&h=199&q=obey%20me%20sticker%20yes&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwiTn-WqnO7uAhVBtaQKHUT_CtEQMygSegUIARDMAQ)

**Lucifer** : I can accompany you after I’m done for today. 

**Diavolo** : Would you do that? You truly are the best boyfriend there is!

**Lucifer** : Careful. 

**Diavolo** : You already offered it, no take-backs!

**Lucifer** :  [ [sticker sent] ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2Ff2%2F5e%2F0e%2Ff25e0ec4867dfdb920128b63a402600e.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F674132637959366030%2F&tbnid=od_jzRZMZdIwjM&vet=12ahUKEwi5pdfZm-7uAhUK26QKHe7hBysQMygQegUIARDSAQ..i&docid=pFeLGNi4k0tlvM&w=201&h=201&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwi5pdfZm-7uAhUK26QKHe7hBysQMygQegUIARDSAQ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you did not get a valentine's day chapter, just like romance-repulsed Barbatos would've wanted it. Isn't it way cooler to have a chapter about the day after valentine's day?
> 
> Did you celebrate? I did a skype call with [my girlfriend](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGoldenGirl) who also writes about obey me sometimes (I really hope the tagging works, I just learned how to do it and who doesn't love shout-outs? I do)


	20. affection

**Barbatos** : [ [ which element are you ](https://uquiz.com/quiz/F9NRaP?p=286490) ]

**Diavolo** : Are you, by any chance, bored? Just because I told you that I will cook for myself today doesn't mean I like you any less. 

**Barbatos** : This has nothing to do with that. This was your decision and I respect it.   
In other news, I got earth.   
It says that I am stable, responsible and stubborn. 

**Diavolo** : Stubborn?

**Barbatos** : That’s what it said. 

**Diavolo** : Hm. I can see that. 

**Barbatos** : What makes you say that? 

**Diavolo** : Do you remember last night when you tried to sneak pickles into my dinner? 

**Barbatos** : I do remember that. 

**Diavolo** : Yes. 

**Barbatos** : Yes? 

**Diavolo** : Yes. 

**Barbatos** : I don't understand. 

**Diavolo** : I just want to eat nuggets once a week, after that we can go back to eating healthy food. I promise.   
I really appreciate you cooking vegetables for me.   
You are important to me, you know that, right?

**Barbatos** : I know. Thank you. 

**Diavolo** : This reminds me, after I’m done cooking, we have to watch another episode of that Star Wars show. If you want, of course. 

**Barbatos** : I’d be happy to do that, my lord. 

**Lucifer** : You two know that I love and cherish you both in any ways that make you comfortable  
But can you please use a private chat for this? 

**Diavolo** : How do I do that?

**Lucifer** : Nevermind.  
I did the test, does anyone want to know my result?  
That was a trick question, you’re getting it either way.   
The quiz assigned my air. Apparently, I am used to giving love but do not know how to receive it. Furthermore, it stated that I might stray from my prescribed path because my path in life isn’t always clear. 

**Barbatos** : Please remember where your loyalties lie. 

**Lucifer** : I will. 

**Barbatos** : Good. 

**Diavolo** : I took the test as well!  
I also got air. It also says we are a humorous person, Lucifer, how could you miss that one out!

**Lucifer** : My apologies. 

**Barbatos** : Maybe the two of you are more similar than you thought. 

**Diavolo** : This is an important point in our relationship, Lucifer.   
Barbatos, the nuggets are done. I made enough for both of us, so you can join me whenever you’re ready. 

**Barbatos** : Thank you, Young Master but you didn’t have to do that. 

**Diavolo** : I like to do things for you as well sometimes. That’s what friends do, right?

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.vKqA7hC4gfgO_njKqYeeswAAAA%26pid%3DApi&f=1) ]

**Lucifer** : Diavolo, next time we meet I will teach you how to start a private chat with Barbatos. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick reminder that all the stickers and tests in his work are links and will lead to the image of the sticker and the quizzes for you to take! The only thing I cannot link are pictures that do not exist in game.  
> thanks for reading and don't forget to comment your results if you do the test!  
> (I got water by the way)


	21. good boy 1

**Lucifer** : I baked a cake with Luke today. 

**Diavolo** : How did that go?

**Lucifer** : It was interesting.   
I may have made him jealous because I turned out to be so good at baking. 

**Diavolo** : I hope he wasn’t too offended by this.   
You’re really good at everything aren’t you?

**Lucifer** : Well, at least at everything I tried so far. 

**Diavolo** : Still humble as ever, aren’t you? 

**Lucifer** : Anyway, I’d offer you some of the cake but it turns out that Beel ate it all. 

**Diavolo** : No surprises there either. 

**Lucifer** : I guess not.   
I hope Barbatos isn’t offended that I embarrassed his apprentice like that. 

**Diavolo** : I don’t think Barbatos is physically capable of being offended.   
He may have strong opinions on things but he always looks at both sides of a story before taking offense. Isn’t that right, @Barbatos?

**Barbatos** : I am just trying my best, my lord. 

**Diavolo** : See?

**Barbatos** : I hope Luke wasn’t too devastated.   
I cannot tell you what to do but I encourage you to be a little nicer to him, Lucifer. 

**Lucifer** : Understood.   
For what it’s worth, you taught him well. He’s a good boy. 

**Barbatos** : That he is. I am very proud of him. 

**Diavolo** : You have every reason to be proud of him. Maybe someday you can bake something for us to enjoy at the Castle together.   
Providing Beel doesn’t get to it first. 

**Barbatos** : I’m sure we will find a way. 

**Lucifer** : If we bake inside the Castle or the Purgatory Hall, we can avoid him very easily. 

**Diavolo** : What a good idea! You know, we could also turn this into a little contest. 

**Lucifer** : How would we do that?

**Diavolo** : You and me are going to be running up against Luke and Barbatos!

**Lucifer** : I suppose we can do that. 

**Diavolo** : I’m going to text Luke and ask him. 

**Barbatos** : I look forward to it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will they burn the kitchen down? I guess you have to wait for the update!


	22. good boy 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for this chapter: mention of death, barbatos' being dramatic and feeling guity for things that are way out of his control, mention of injury

**Barbatos** : How are you doing, Lucifer?

**Lucifer** : I don’t want to talk about it. 

**Barbatos** : My apologies.

**Lucifer** : If you’re asking about my wellbeing, the burns have all healed.   
And Levi helped me pick out a new D.D.D.  
That’s what I’m typing on right now. 

**Barbatos** : Again, I am very sorry for how things turned out. 

**Lucifer** : Why are you the one to apologize?   
Diavolo was the one to drop the hot cake-pan that hit my D.D.D. and burnt me when I tried to pick it up. 

**Barbatos** : I should’ve seen that coming. 

**Lucifer** : For the last time, you’re not omniscient aren’t you?  
I didn’t die, there’s nothing you have to be sorry about.   
Barbatos?

**Barbatos** : You did not die in this reality, yes. 

**Lucifer** : Oh.

**Diavolo** : Lucifer!!  
[[sticker sent](https://www.google.de/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fexternal-preview.redd.it%2FkffyQW0uB2K2C66GKhE9SrOd_jldXkJ7F8xvZdjrRxo.jpg%3Fauto%3Dwebp%26s%3D26a3a96fd46e64eebc2a417928f36c222180da2c&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fobeyme%2Fcomments%2Fhgoihv%2Fobey_me_chat_stickers%2F&tbnid=WClwcPdIBSPbMM&vet=12ahUKEwjssK_WlIXvAhVKlBoKHcTRAS4QMygGegUIARC8AQ..i&docid=mzg0v8GpuHXXWM&w=1472&h=1424&q=obey%20me%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjssK_WlIXvAhVKlBoKHcTRAS4QMygGegUIARC8AQ)]  
[[sticker sent](https://www.google.de/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F7a%2Fd0%2F9b%2F7ad09b8591cbb5ff5a65a148eb8fbf77.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F857161741572705306%2F&tbnid=cZHtMDUoYczJRM&vet=12ahUKEwjT6ILxlIXvAhUN-4UKHWZ-DdwQMyggegUIARDtAQ..i&docid=P8NUJ5g-bM6eFM&w=411&h=396&q=obey%20me%20chat%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjT6ILxlIXvAhUN-4UKHWZ-DdwQMyggegUIARDtAQ)]  
[[sticker sent](https://www.google.de/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F7a%2Fd0%2F9b%2F7ad09b8591cbb5ff5a65a148eb8fbf77.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F857161741572705306%2F&tbnid=cZHtMDUoYczJRM&vet=12ahUKEwjT6ILxlIXvAhUN-4UKHWZ-DdwQMyggegUIARDtAQ..i&docid=P8NUJ5g-bM6eFM&w=411&h=396&q=obey%20me%20chat%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjT6ILxlIXvAhUN-4UKHWZ-DdwQMyggegUIARDtAQ)]

**Lucifer** : Calm down. 

**Diavolo** : I am so sorry! Does typing still hurt?

**Lucifer** : No. 

**Diavolo** : I’m so glad.   
Can you ever forgive me?

**Lucifer** : Considering the fact that I already forgave you after you kept a secret from me that caused me to lose my memory, I think I can forgive you for this as well. 

**Diavolo** : I guess that’s fair.   
Now, Barbatos. 

**Barbatos** : Yes?

**Diavolo** : None of this was your fault. Understood?

**Barbatos** : Luke sends his wishes and hopes you recover soon, Lucifer. 

**Lucifer** : He texted me as well. Thank you. 

**Diavolo** : Barbatos! This is not over yet. 

**Barbatos** : [ [ sticker sent ](https://www.google.de/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2Ff2%2F5e%2F0e%2Ff25e0ec4867dfdb920128b63a402600e.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F674132637959366030%2F&tbnid=od_jzRZMZdIwjM&vet=12ahUKEwjT6ILxlIXvAhUN-4UKHWZ-DdwQMygHegUIARC1AQ..i&docid=pFeLGNi4k0tlvM&w=201&h=201&q=obey%20me%20chat%20stickers&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjT6ILxlIXvAhUN-4UKHWZ-DdwQMygHegUIARC1AQ) ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was inspired by a friend of my girlfriend who managed to drop a casserole pan onto her phone and break the phone but not the pan. An icon.   
> I think this marks the third update for today, I blame Fiona for being so goddamn cute and inspiring.   
> see you in the next update!


	23. endless possibilities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you're not bored of the occasional one-shots, I didn't want to post them separately since they all belong to this AU? Feel free to skip if you're here for the chats.
> 
> This is about Asmodeus and Barbatos, and honestly? I'm kinda proud of it.

"Can you feel guilty about something simply because it could happen?" Asmodeus asks, his hair sprawled out around his head like a fan and his eyes staring up to the dancing stars on the ceiling. Satan charmed the room to look like something in those books Asmodeus pretended to read and now he has to live with the fact that he never truly knows what they are talking about. But he likes the charmed ceiling, the stars and clouds and fake drops of rain.

He doesn't get an answer but he is sure that Barbatos heard him because he felt the man's breath stumble and stop for a second when he had finished his question. He's thinking about it. Of course Asmodeus cannot force him to answer but he never had to do that, anyway.

Barbatos will answer, granted that he has an answer to the question.

"Why are you asking me this?" he asks. Anyone else would do it to avoid the question but this is Barbatos. He'd make more time if he needed it. No, he asks this to make sure he picks the answer Asmodeus wants to hear. 

It's frustrating, sometimes, to talk to someone who will always try to flatter you, not to get something out of it but because he sees it as his job. He'd do anything Asmodeus could ask him to. 

"No reason," Asmodeus says. "You don't have to answer. I was just wondering." 

He turns his head to face the demon next to him. Barbatos is facing the ceiling with a thoughtful or maybe sad expression in his eyes. 

"I did many things that no longer apply to this reality," Barbatos finally replies. He takes a deep breath and smiles, as if he can sense that Asmodeus is looking at him. "It is irresponsible to act like they didn't happen simply because I... I avoided them this time." 

"Alright, but if endless possibilities exist, you'd have to feel guilty about anything you could do. In any possible reality." 

Barbatos doesn't answer. Asmodeus suddenly gets the feeling that this isn't as absurd to the demon as it is to him. 

"But that must feel... bad," Asmodeus says lamely because out of all the words he can think of, none really fits. What he actually wants to say is _painful._

_Exhausting._

But it makes so much sense. It explains about everything Asmodeus knows about Barbatos, how he's always trying to be perfect, how he looks like he's seen _so much_ and how sometimes he will look like he's just traded a part of his body for something Asmodeus will never understand. 

"Hey, Barbatos," he forces himself to say. In his head it sounds like a pet name. He wonders if Barbatos ever had a pet name. Maybe Lord Diavolo has one for him, hidden away from prying ears. 

"You know what?" Asmodeus continues. 

Barbatos gives his head the tiniest of shakes. His gaze is still fixed onto the ceiling, old, tragic eyes that have seen so much and understood so little. 

"This means that all your accomplishments and all the times you felt happy still count as well. It's only fair. If you feel all the universe's pain, you have to feel all the joy too. And I can't imagine a universe where you aren't loved by all of us. Unconditionally." 

Barbatos doesn't reply this time. After a few seconds he lifts his hand to wipe his face. Asmodeus turns his head to look at the stars again, he leaves Barbatos to his emotions.


	24. chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings: mention of alcohol, vague discussion of sexual content (see other notes)

**Barbatos** : h  
hello, Lucifer

**Lucifer** : Are you okay?

**Barbatos** : Oh, yes. I'm feeling wonderful.   
I must've mistyped there, I'm very sorry.

**Lucifer** : Don't worry about it.

**Barbatos** : Did I ever tell you how glad we all are to have you?

**Lucifer** : Barbatos?

**Barbatos** : It's true!   
The Young Master was so lonely until he met you.   
Of course, I've sworn to always be by his side and I will never break this promise but it's comforting to know that you are there.

**Lucifer** : Where is that coming from?

**Barbatos** : I've always felt that way.

**Lucifer** : In that case, thank you?

**Barbatos** : I know you make him happy but you also make me happy, do you know that?

**Lucifer** : I suppose, I do know now.   
Are you alright?

**Barbatos** : Why would you ask that?

**Lucifer** : Are you dying?

**Barbatos** : Sometimes I do believe I cannot die at all.   
Wouldn’t that be amusing? To be cursed to exist forever?  
With all that knowledge?  
Do you know why I like this reality so much?

**Lucifer** : Are you under a curse right now?

**Barbatos** : I like this one because I got to meet Luke. That’s one of the events that don’t happen very often, you know? Some things are special.   
The Celestial Realm could’ve sent anyone else but this time they sent Luke.   
I like this. I don’t know if I’m supposed to but I am very thankful for it. 

**Lucifer** : Hold on.

**Barbatos** : Hold onto what?

**Lucifer** : Are you drunk?

**Barbatos** : Maybe? 

**Lucifer** : Where’s Diavolo when I need him?

**Diavolo** : I’m back, what’s going on?

**Lucifer** : Why don’t you check on your butler?

**Diavolo** : Oh. That.   
Didn’t you read my messages?

**Lucifer** : What messages?

**Diavolo** : The ones I sent you privately. 

**Lucifer** : I thought we only used that chat for pictures.  
Oh.   
So he’s okay?

**Diavolo** : Keep drinking water, Barbatos.

**Lucifer** : How much alcohol is in that chocolate?

**Diavolo** : Enough, apparently. 

**Barbatos** : I have the theory that alcohol affects me more when I recently used my powers. 

**Lucifer** : That seems to be an educated guess.   
But we can make the best of it. I can come over and bring that terrible movie we all wanted to watch the next time we’re drunk. 

**Diavolo** : But we’re not drunk yet?

**Lucifer** : I can also bring Demonus. 

**Diavolo** : I like the way you think. 

**Lucifer** : I just have to force one of my brothers to pick me up later. I’ll be with you as soon as possible.   
And Barbatos?  
Thank you for what you said earlier. We don’t always get along but I am glad that I got to know you. 

**Diavolo** : You keep delivering material for the Lucifer-folder on my computer.   
Let me take a screenshot. 

**Lucifer** : One day I will get into that folder and if it’s the last thing I do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said "pictures" but I think you can guess what I meant. Now you have the reason why we don't see their private chat. 
> 
> This entire thing is based on a joke I had with Fiona about the horrors of those cherry chocolates with alcohol in it. Seriously, who invented this and am I the only one who got horribly tipsy after accidentally eating one?


End file.
